Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
