So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You smell like stripper and shame
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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