I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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