someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
