I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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