Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
