i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
