My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
