Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
