They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
