that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
