I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
