I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
