Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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