Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize