So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
