How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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