Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
