If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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