Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
