He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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