Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
