I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
