12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
