There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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