i wish my penis had a tongue
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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