I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
