If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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