Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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