a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
