She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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