My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
