If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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