please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
