look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
