Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
