he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
