Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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