my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
