2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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