Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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