i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
