You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
