Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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