Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He felt like a one man threesome
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
