im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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