Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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