I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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