You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
