this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
