8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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