It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
third nipple confirmed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
