you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
