tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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