I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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