where does the pee come out of this thing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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