My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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