We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
