I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
