i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My cat gives me a boner
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
