I want to make a zoo with you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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