And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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