If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
