So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
