So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
