She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
