She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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