The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
