her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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