I want to make a zoo with you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
