I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
