32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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